Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
