We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat