my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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