just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
