yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
