Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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