So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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