He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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