Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
