people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
