Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
