Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
