I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
