drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Two words: nipple clamps
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