So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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