dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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