No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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