If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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