I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
