Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
