I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
