I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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