Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
