imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
