you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
