i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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