It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would fuck him just for his dog
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
