I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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