Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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