you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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