yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
