What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
