Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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