Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
