My first STD was from a foam party
If that was your dad, he is hot
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
