I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
