So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
