UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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