plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
