hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
