Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
