I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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