new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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