Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
