Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its not stalking. its research.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
