I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
