shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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