i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
