What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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