My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
