No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
