I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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