you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
