In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
