She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we have pet lesbian snakes
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
