The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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