Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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