Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
