i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
