Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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