You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
