So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
