omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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