i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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