i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
