it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
