I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
