sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
