Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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