oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
