so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
