I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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