thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
