she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The Olympian is in my bed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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